I can feel the hot seething tears
In my eyes ready to fully give way
And I think as I have for years
That the Almighty surely hates me this way
If only I knew what was wrong!
But I can not seem to figure it out
The days pass by, some short, some long
Yet here I remain in happiness’ drought
For my thoughts I deserve to die
Even for my name to be forgotten
Why does no-one help me - just why?
Have we not all committed sin?
I well know my horrible thought
That encroaches on me every cheery day
And on darker days gets caught
In a most frustrating way
In a most debasing way
In a most annoying way
In a most hurtful way
In a most violent way
In a most guiltful way
In this unceasing sort of way
I well know my horrible thought
That encroaches on me every single day
No matter how hard I pray
The distance I feel is always there
God is always ‘away’
Never really near
But lately I have realized a simple truth
Which goes to explain
Why to me God is away - aloof
Despite my tears and pain
The simple truth is this you see:
Unless a problem of yours
Concerns God’s sovereignty
It will be abandoned and ignored
You may recall the words of the Christ
Let’s bring them out if you’d really like:
“Are not the birds of heaven well fed?”
Yes, but all of those birds wind up dead
“Are you not worth more than those birds of flight?”
True, but at least the birds are spared a human’s plight
“Who of you by a cubit can extend your life
By remaining entrenched in needless strife?”
None, but it’s not to be blamed if someone is stressed out
Because of a God that won’t reach down and help them out
“Take a lesson from the lilies of the field
Yes, beauty greater than Solomon they wield
So if that’s how God helps these flowers
Would he not rather give you his power?”
It would seem that he wishes to do so at first glance
But even on good people these horrible things advance
So you are right in all you say Lord
But the simple facts I can’t ignore
Prayer works in some ways I suppose
As all good placebos do
But never truly frees you from the woes
It is purportedly supposed to
If in the Holocaust millions of lives were ended
Even if some those people God supposedly “befriended”
Then how can you expect God comfort or do anything
About our relatively trivial suffering and pleading?
My wishes to have God as a personal friend are naive
And while I can not resent him at all
From my prior foolish notions I now take my leave
And these thoughts of ignorance I will maul
Is it really reasonable to suppose God close?
If you think that you are stupider than most
Yet I have faith there is still hope left
That your reason has not been all bereft
You can still respect God and honor him
Without being his friendly seraphim
Yes, though he may not answer any prayer
You can still live so as to gain his favor
And even if you screw up big time
And feel there is absolutely no hope left
Live by the Bible - live by it by every line
And see how you fail, and aren’t blessed
See how the promises you were told
Are lies with no foundation or merit
Tales of friendship, “supreme joy” with the infinitely old
And all the while you’re forbidden to contradict
The simple fact that this has almost never been so
And that God hates more than you’ll ever know
That the same God who “helps the lowly” from despair
Has killed thousands of children and doesn’t seem to care
Not that I accuse Him of wrong, for none can do that
(Well you could but you’d be wrong of course)
I’m just saying that most humans have fallen flat
In explaining the nature of God’s force
Now that I see things as they really are
I see my chance twinkling up there like a star
To tell you all what is true and what is odd
And to tell you about the true nature of God
You are the unemptiable source of joy
And true happiness only you can supply
God may help you, that much is true
But never “count” on Him fully, whatever you do
Speaking from personal expertise
I have undoubtedly found
That the harder you try to apply Biblical creeds
You will run yourself into the ground
I am trying to rescue others from this fate
Before they go astray and it’s too late
Before they burn themselves out
Doing something they could do without
The inspiration for the statement to “forgive 77 times”
Is awfully eager to punish man for their crimes
And should they protest, (as any person would)
That’s it - they’re killed and silenced for good!
Granted all of God’s decisions are just
So to his verdicts I will not complain
But I wish that those who agree with The Just
Would stop claiming He is something He’s never been
God is not your friend, but neither is He mine
He simply takes action, and has existed for all time
He simply is, and you are simply you
Yet, compared to him you aren’t anything, are you?
Don’t be upset by this, because it’s only true
Just let it be an influence in all that you do
And know God will eventually intervene soon
He just won’t help personally with me or you